IT'S CLASS CAMP TOMORROW!

call me insane, but i think i'm starting to get hooked on PRIDE & PREJUDICE. i just can't stop reading the damned thing. read it in the bus, read in when i'm free, read it before i sleep. it's an unhealthy obsession seriously. (if ms lye sees this, i'm sooo screwed.) i can't stop. partly beacause i'm not supposed to, considering we're supposed to finish it even before common tests, but mostly i think it's cos i'm simply biased. ahaha! FITZWILLAIM DARCY! wah! he's seriously DAMN HOT! and he's soooo sweet! sighs. maybe it's this idealistic thing athena's got me constantly dreaming about. you know, kinda like a knight in shining armour. oh wells, it doesn't hurt to want things right?

anyways, i've realized that i haven't been doing much work after school for the past weeks or so. doesn't help that promos are like 6 freaking weeks away! even all those times when i'd stay back with a couple of the ramones, i'd be sooo distracted. plus, dad gets pissed that i'm always home so late. keep telling him it's track, (and no, i'm not lying) and then, his next few lines are always the same. hardly ever any variations to it. first, he'll go on about how track's taking up so much of my time, then how maybe me being a captain was a wrong move, and the worst part of all, he'll reflect upon my dsa as being a wrong choice.

i really can't help it that i love jumping. there've been so many other ccas i've taken part in since primary school, several others that i've had the opprtunity to represent, but nothing compared to running or jumping for the school. i don't know. it's a different atmosphere. it's nicer. but maybe, being too attached isn't a good thing either. i always told myself when i dsa-ed that studies will always be more important. but being capt-AIN made me wanna give sooo much more for the team. i'd put my heart and soul into it, so much so that i've neglected what i decided to be most important. gah! life is unfair, no? you hardly ever get the best of both worlds. well, now, there's no more excuses. nothing i can say to excuse myself from studying. no more trainings, no more meetings, no more ihc. just gotta sit my big butt down and focus. just like how i'd put my energy in a jump or spend my time visulaizing it, i shall now spend it memorising notes and putting in extra effort in work. GO AIN! ALL THE WAY!

anyways, the hectic life that most of us have now has been driting me away from the very people that were there for me when it all started. my og. hardly ever talk to them anymore. as in, you can't expect to be close to evryone, but the one or two that always stuck with you, you thank them from the bottom of your heart for making life during the first three months bearable and enjoyable.

i rarely talk to bernard now. talking's just one thing. i don't think i see him much now either. like, now that i've got people like jared+jon+bruno to keep me company during breaks, i don't pay much attention to him anymore when he comes over. not like before. makes me feel terrible. i think i have a disgraceful habit of treating people like they're 'spare tyres'. it's not something i want to possess, yet at the same time, i don't think it's something i can rid myself of that easily. i don't wanna remember the not-so-pleasant things he's done. (i'm just sensitive.) i know he's not like that. but we are human right? everyone does things that they don't mean to (i think) sometimes. unintentionally, they hurt people around them. but i don't wanna remember him for that, cos then i'll hate him. and i don't want to. cos we've spent so much time talking and in each other's company that that would be a most terrible outcome. sighs. things were simpler when you didn't have to know so many people.
ain.was.here! 150807