I HATE BEING EMO!

it's hard to believe that the hardest thing to cope with in rj coming from a school like cedar is not the academic work. (even for a moron and procrastinator like me.) it's more of something that i would think people shouldn't have a problem with. not at this age at least. but it's like, the older you grow, the problem of finding close friends gets more and more complicated.

when you're thrown into a jc, where the cohort increases 3 times in size, you're bound know alot of people. it's fun, and i'm grateful for all the friends i've got. still, not all you can confide in. some only prove to be bone-heads and bitches much later after you've been acquainted. but of course, there are the rare few that their company you love so much, and moments you spend without them, you spend mugging or in misery.

i hate being emo about this, over and over and over again. but since i've lost the constant company of aisyah+rin+mazmo, i feel lost sometimes. and seeing them all settled in in their own schools with their new friends sometimes makes me feel pathetic at the fact that i can't move on. ok, so i'm sentimental, and i treasure my past so much, especially those that i love. but i want to be able to be comfortable with new people, and have them be okay with me.

nicole and athena are probably the two people that i feel secure with. not the only 2, but yeah, you get the drift. but nicole's in a different class. with clashing timetables, i usually only see her after school. and it's a little different with athena. sometimes i feel bad when i feel so attached to her cos i think that cos of me, someone else lost their best friend. then there's jon+jared+bruno. ahaha! you guys rock my world! i really miss having bruno around, but in a way, i think he's going away is like a blessing in disguise. it really got me closer to the other two, especially jared. then of course there's the ramones that i simply cannot do without. they complete me, cos we're family. pathy+jiayuan+ian+aaron+farish. guys, hold on to this aight, cos it's the one good thing that we've got.

there are others that you wish you could be really close to, but they never seem to happen. so now, how do you equally distribute your time among all? how do you go out with one without disappointing or hurting the others. i wish there was someone to talk to. i can't call aisyah, or rin or mazmo (or at least not as often as i used to) cos i don't wanna be a nuisance, burdening them with more problems than they already have. sighs. wah! it sucks feeling like you're all alone when people tell you "omg! you know so many people." for a long time now, i still want someone that i can pour my heart out to. shoots, i'm starting to think lit is having terrible influences on me.

ain.was.here! 100807